


Gotta give the people something good to read on a Sunday

by saltstreets



Series: WIP AMNESTY [5]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Politics, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 20:41:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15227469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltstreets/pseuds/saltstreets
Summary: The smug look on Olli’s face is practically visible from space by now, and Philipp glowers. “Don’t look so pleased with yourself,” he says irritably. “I haven’t agreed to anything yet.”





	Gotta give the people something good to read on a Sunday

**Author's Note:**

> This one I might actually add to one day! I love politician Fips with my entire soul. But for now, have this.
> 
> Title from The Clash, "The Leader".

 

 

When Philipp opens his door and sees Olli Kahn standing on the step he tries to close it again, but Olli is about thirty kilos heavier than him, and when Olli throws his shoulder against something it moves in the direction he wants it to.

Philipp glares at him, straining against the door that Olli is seemingly leaning on without exerting any undue effort. “Do you want me to charge you with property damage? Why are you here?”

Olli laughs at him. “If I’d wanted to damage your door believe me, you’d be able to tell. And you know why I’m here.”

“I told you, no. I’m not doing it.” Unable to close the entrance with Olli standing in it like the proverbial immovable object, Philipp opts for striding away back into his house, attempting to regain the dignity he’d lost by flinging himself uselessly against the door.

Olli follows him. “I don’t see what the problem is. You’d enjoy it, I know you would. _You_ know you would.”

“I’m an independent,” Philipp says, pointedly ignoring Olli’s attempts to catch his gaze. “I’m not going back into that mess.”

“Don’t be stupid. You couldn’t be apolitical if you tried.”

Philipp aggressively straightens one of the pictures on his wall and says nothing.

“Besides,” Olli continues, “there’s been a development.”

“I don’t care,” Philipp says quickly, because Olli’s voice has taken on an edge of glee that means he’s about to administer a coup de grâce, and Philipp doesn’t want to hear it. He does _not_ want to hear it. He’s made up his mind- he doesn’t care if the sky is falling, he doesn’t care if someone’s reanimated Konrad Adenauer and the shambling zombie is going to be Chancellor. He doesn’t care if-

“Ballack is standing for the European Parliament.”

Philipp turns around so quickly he almost falls over. “What?!”

“Not officially declared yet, but I have my sources.” Olli sounds smug. He’s got Philipp on the line and he knows it. Philipp curses internally.

“When did Ballack become interested in Europe?” he demands, squaring his shoulders. If he’s going to have this conversation with Olli, then he’s going to _have_ it, not dance with it. “He’s always been…” Philipp looks around for the right word to describe Michael Ballack’s political stance. Difficult, since predominantly he could only think of the adjective “wrong”, which was more than a little biased. Michael wasn’t a Eurosceptic _per say,_ he was just… “preoccupied with other things,” Philipp settles on. Wrong things.

“Maybe his English holiday has widened his horizons.”

“Ha,” Philipp scoffs. “England has never widened anyone’s horizons, as if.” He sits down on the sofa and, after a second, gestures for Olli to sit as well. The smug look on Olli’s face is practically visible from space by now, and Philipp glowers. “Don’t look so pleased with yourself,” he says irritably. “I haven’t agreed to anything yet.”

“Of course not,” Olli says indulgently. “We’re just having a chat.” He glances around the room as though expecting something to materialise. “Let’s have a drink. It’ll make this less painful. For you, obviously, I’m immune to pain and have been for years.”

Philipp lets go of the last desperate thread he’s been clinging to. He sighs, stands, and heads towards the liquor cabinet.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone interested, future continuation of this nonsense involves Micha (obviously) but also irritatingly competent aide Thomas, just plain infuriating Spanish MEP Xabi, and probably a lot of hamfisted Brexit jokes bringing in overtaxed Labour MP Stevie G (FOR WHOM XABI IS THE EX-CAMPAIGN MANAGER?? HMMM). Enthusiastic SPD candidate Poldi and resigned SPD organiser Basti are also there. This is a mess and if anyone wants to take it off my hands...p l e a s e
> 
>  
> 
>  **BONUS** , from my story notes:  
> in which pep is an mep from the european free alliance who approaches fips like ‘in the event of a successful catalan independence vote, I want you to know that I will personally ensure that catalonia remains a staunch member of the eu ///flutters eyelashes
> 
> Fips: and this concerns me how…?
> 
> Pep: everyone knows how influential you are in your party and german politics as a whole
> 
> Fips: thanks for the compliment. It’s cute how you think germany would ever even think about commenting uninvited on the domestic affairs of other eu nations even if you are talking to me through the forum of the european parliament. Have a nice day and never speak to me again.
> 
> Pep, watching fips stomp away: _I love him_
> 
> //
> 
> Thomas, later: I can’t believe you think pep is cute


End file.
